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Internet Split Over Wife Attending Ex-Husband’s Funeral

Internet Split Over Wife Attending Ex-Husband's Funeral

An ex-wife has split in online opinions after admitting she wanted to attend her ex-husband’s funeral, despite his second wife’s request not to attend.

The anonymous woman took to the popular online forum Mumsnet to share her dilemma, which led to an outpouring of mixed reactions.

She explained in the publication that her first husband was the father of her children, and he recently passed away. As the funeral approaches the next day, she claims she is stuck in a bind, considering whether or not to go.

“Our marriage was happy, but he left me for the other woman,” she wrote. “40 years later, he had a whole new family with another woman and my kids asked me to go support them at the funeral.”

She admitted that she “shed a few tears” upon hearing of his death, and added that she had heard that “his wife apparently immediately forbade me from attending as soon as I heard that I was coming.”

woman in tombstone
Stock Photo – Woman mourning at a tombstone. WhatsYourGrief.com co-founder says talking to the family of a deceased ex-partner is vital when making the decision to attend a funeral.
Getty Images

It’s no surprise that the first wife has found herself hesitant about how to handle the situation, because it’s not easy. The death of an ex-spouse is often called “disenfranchised grief” in the sense of unacknowledged grief—a term coined by bereavement expert Kenneth J. Duca.

According to Litsa Williams, co-founder of WhatsYourGrief.com, who spoke to the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), talking to the family of a deceased former partner is vital when making the decision to attend a funeral. Williams said it’s important to get to a place where “everyone can feel that they need to fulfill that ritual […] With respect for each other.”

With such a divisive topic, respondents to the unidentified ex-wife were left divided over how she should handle the situation.

“There is no direct answer as to whether the first wife (or husband) should go to an ex’s funeral. I understand the reasons why you would want to, but a lot depends on the relationship in the years since the breakup,” one user.

“From the fact that you said she banned you, then I say don’t go. It’s the last place anyone would want in an inappropriate spectacle. Without knowing anything about the situation, 40 years seems like a long time for such hostility to exist, but it clearly exists, so Do not go “.

Many agreed and said that the unknown ex-partner should not attend the funeral, given the potential for causing discomfort.

One user said: “Personally I think she should stay away, it’s been 40 years and she hasn’t been a wife and hasn’t been for a very long time.”

“His wife (the one he recently married, not you!) is the primary mourner. If she has ‘banned you’, don’t go and bother her on what will be a very difficult day for her (more difficult for her than it is for you),” added another. “It would be nice if she didn’t stop you but she (apparently) did.”

woman at funeral
Stock photo of a woman at a funeral. An ex-wife’s dilemma over attending her ex-husband’s funeral has received attention online.
Getty Images

“It makes me wonder why? My husband forbade his ex-wife from visiting the hospital he’s in. We didn’t discuss funerals but I would have prevented her from doing so too,” they continued, admitting.

“If you haven’t had direct contact for 40 years, there is probably a reason. Either on your part or with him. Leave it that way. Your children are all over 40 and don’t need your support at a funeral. They will. They are able to support each other. well, perhaps easier.”

However, others were left prompting the woman to attend, though they wished not to, citing the time she spent with him as good enough reason. “No one was invited to a funeral,” one user said. “If you want to pay your respects, go.

“I think you have every right to attend the funeral of the father of your children. Whether you want to attend or not is entirely your choice.”

Another agreed, adding: “The wife does not own him and does not monopolize grief. You married and he is the father of your children, and you have every right to go to the funeral and his wife cannot.” Just erase his past.”

The poster did not provide an update on whether or not she eventually decided to attend the funeral.

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